


Go The Fuck To Sleep

by kam



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-27
Updated: 2013-05-27
Packaged: 2017-12-13 03:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/819382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kam/pseuds/kam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short Johnlock (sort of) written for the BBC Kink Meme Prompt:<br/>Sherlock and John are finally going home after working on a seriously trying case they’re both dog tired, Sherlock is practically dead on his feet. They crawl into bed (take this either as a Johnlock fic or Sherlock’s burnt John’s bed or something in an experiment. Whatever the author wants as long as they’re in the same room) and Sherlock starts to drop off, however John, whether it’s excess adrenaline, nightmares, random aches and pains, John just can’t get to sleep. He tosses and turns, sighs loudly, grumbles and frankly, Sherlock is considering suffocating him with his pillow just to get a good night’s rest. How does Sherlock help him get to sleep?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Go The Fuck To Sleep

“Will you be doing that all night?”

“Doing what?”

“Turning over. And over. _And over_.”

“It’ll probably slow down when I fall asleep.”

“And when, pray tell, will that be?”

“Not sure. Some nights it takes a while.”

“I see. And am I to assume this is one of those nights?”

“Look, we’re just back from running about London for an hour and a half, I’m in a strange bed, and _you’re_ here. Adrenaline mixed with new surroundings isn’t really a great recipe for sleep.”

“You are incessantly berating me for not getting enough sleep. Then when I do attempt to sleep, you insist on keeping me awake.”

“Oi, look. It’s not _my_ fault you decided to run your little experiment on my mattress. I wouldn’t be in here keeping you awake if you hadn’t destroyed my bed.”

“I still fail to see why you can’t sleep on the sofa.”

“I’ve explained that to you.”

“Insufficiently.”

“What is insufficient about ‘I’m not sleeping on a sofa just because you’re a twat’?”

“That is hardly a sufficient explanation for you sharing my bed.”

 

“Anyway, can’t you just _decide_ you’re asleep? I thought you had such great control over yourself.”

“Well. I _had_ almost achieved sleep, despite your incessant movement and _sighing_ , until you decided to speak.”

“’Achieved sleep’? Christ, you can’t do anything like a normal bloke, can you?”

“Is this what ‘normal blokes’ do, then, lie awake for hours and keep their bedfellows up with them?”

“You are _not_ my bedfellow.”

“We are sharing a bed. We are bedfellows.”

“No.”

“I assumed you would find the term less offensive than bedmates. Which we also are.”

“ _No_.”

 

“Does your room just always smell like this?”

“Mm?”

“I said, does your room always smell like this?”

“Like what?”

“Poncey.”

“That’s not a word.”

“You know what I mean. It smells expensive. Like your cologne.”

“Mm. I cannot fathom that my room might smell like me.”

“It’s throwing me off. I’m not used to sleeping somewhere that smells like another man.”

“Then might I suggest you retire to the sofa, as the living room does not, to my knowledge, smell ‘poncey’?”

“Sod off.”

 

“If you elbow me one more time, I may be forced to resort to some form of restraint system.”

“You want to tie me up? You kinky fuck.”

“If it will prevent you from interrupting my attempts at sleep, I am not above it, kinky or no.”

“What _will_ the Yarders say?”

“Something asinine, assuredly.”

“Unfortunately, I’m simply not into that sort of thing.”

“Luckily, I have no qualms about tying you up against your will.”

“You kinky fuck.”

 

“I wasn’t joking about tying you up.”

 

“For God’s sake, John, is this how you behave when you share a bed with one of your girlfriends?”

“You may have noticed that, thanks to you, I don’t _have_ a girlfriend to share a bed with.”

“Certainly this situation has arisen before tonight.”

“Well, yeah…”

“And what did you do then?”

“I just wait it out. Christ, not everyone is equipped with an off switch, Sherlock.”

“There’s _nothing_ you can do?”

“Nothing.”

“And there’s nothing I can do?”

“I don’t…”

“What. For God’s sake, John, _what_? What can I do to make you _stop_?”

“It’s… There’s nothing.”

“Blatantly false. What is it, John? Is it something sexual?”

“ _No_. Christ. No. Nothing like that.”

“Then _what_? If it’s not sexual I can’t fathom why you’re so embarrassed. It’s something your girlfriend would normally do, yes? But not sexual.”

“Would you just drop it?”

 

“What are you doing.”

“What would a significant other do for you in bed that is not sexual, but you would be embarrassed to request of your flatmate?”

“I don’t…”

“Non-sexual haptic communication. Also known as ‘cuddling.’ You need to be held.”

“I do not.”

“Granted, ‘need’ may be too strong a word…”

“Cut it out, Sherlock.”

“You find this form of non-sexual intimate touching to be comforting – this allows you to filter out the excessive external and internal stimuli and releases the required neurochemicals to allow you to fall asleep.”

“I hate you.”

“Your breathing rate has already evened out considerably.”

“I’m not going to…”

“Your muscles are noticeably relaxed.”

“You are such a…”

“And, most telling of all, you have yet to pull away or effectively resist, which you are capable of doing.”

“I don’t…”

“I will even go so far as to conjecture that you find this far preferable to involuntary bondage.”

“Well _that_ …”

“Go to sleep, John.”

 

“John?”

 

“Good night, John.”

**Author's Note:**

> oh, man, isn't it weird how john and sherlock always end up being insanely similar to me?  
> what is that about?


End file.
